Well Crud.  We were supposed to do the family interview/intervention today for B's treatment.  But he's not handling it well.  They (the counselors) say he's still going through detox.  Well no doubt.  Drinking that much for that long it's going to take a while for his system to adjust to not having it.

 

I noticed it last night too.  We went up to visit him for the first time, the girls and I.  It was a bit, um, freaky.  I hadn't realized that he would be on a locked unit.  And the rules.  Goodness.  No strings at night so their tennis shoes are taken from them.  As well as anything else with string like the drawstring lounging pants he'd requested I bring him.  And utensils are checked out and in at the nurses station.  You aren't allowed to throw it in the trashcan.

 

And talk about a swarm of bees.  When we got to the, I suppose you'd call it the lounge area, it was a constant stream of people coming over to meet the girls and I.  It got overwhelming, for me at least.  I'm not good with strangers wanting to be in my personal space.  But they finally let us alone to visit in the lunchroom.  B was looking better.  He has more color and his eyes are clearer.  But he had a definite shake to him.  And he was real emotional. 

 

The girls were really good.  But after about 30 minutes he leaned over and goes really quietly, "Do you think you can leave now?"  Hmmm a bit much for you is it?  So I asked if seeing the girls was too much and he shook his head.  So I started getting their coats on.  He went to hug R and I thought he was never going to let go.  He squeezed her really hard and started crying.  She handled it well but I could tell she was trying to figure out what it was all about.  When we got down to the van she finally goes, "Daddy loves me now."      What a sad feeling at 5.  She should never have to think that daddy hadn't loved her to begin with.

 

So anyway like I was saying.  Today I was supposed to meet with them.  But I got a phone call at 1 saying they felt it would be too much for him today.  I came straight out and asked her how long they were going to let him go without having to face things.  Harsh?  Maybe.  Do I regret it?  Not a bit.  What I think probably doesn't matter one iota to them.  However, if they were to ask me I'd say he needs the shove.  He's not going to take the step on his own.  Her reply was that they would give him today and maybe tomorrow to finish with the detox and try and get his depression under control.  Then if he was still fighting it they'd suggest that they get it done anyway.

 

I asked if his depression was still that bad.  She just said today was rough.  Then she asked me if I'd talked to him.  So I told her last night but not today.  Am I supposed to call everyday?  I really don't want to.  I mean - he's the one who screwed up.  Why should I call and be all concerned about whether he was feeling good today.  He shouldn't feel good yet.  He hasn't heard the hard stuff yet.  Also is he using his depression to delay hearing it?  Does he have any clue as to what's coming up for him?  Not that I'm going to be a witch about it but I do plan on stating the true facts as I saw them.  Through sober eyes. 

 

The mementos he's broken, as he's stumbled around drunk, the inappropriate behavior, the meanness of his words.  The instability of his interaction with the girls.  Does he remember these things and he's hiding from them now.  Or does he really need another day to get his body settled down in its cravings?  Only time will tell.  Lets hope it's not too long.

Dawn,

Big hugs to you! I know this can't be an easy time for you and the girls. Just know that if you need to talk, I'm more than willing to listen.

I pray that B will get, and accept, all the help available to him now. I pray that the girls will remember little of their 'old dad', but will have wonderful new memories of the new one.

I remember when my mom had to get help. She didn't have an addiction, but she had a nervous breakdown when I was 10. We had to wait a week before we got to see her for the first time, and that was in the greeeting-type area that you were talking about. We couldn't even take her out to dinner with us, or go to her room, or do much of anything. We didn't talk about it to friends, 'cause back then, needing help wasn't 'OK'. But later, as a teenager, I was able to help others understand that getting help is a good thing.

I was also able to help my (now ex, of course) fiance when his dad had a nervous breakdown.

At the time, it seemed like a bad thing, but now, I know that it was the best thing that happened to all of us. I got my mom back. She loved us, but she used to cry all the time, and when she did that, she stayed in bed. Now, she is still a loving woman, but she has a strength and confidence she didn't have before. I hope I take after her someday.

LOL! I REALLY am trying to help, and I hope I did... If not, I apologize, but just know that as dark as it seems now, if he sticks with it, there will be the most amazing light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs,
April