I know strange title but REALITY was a big slap in the face today.  I got a call from B at 11 am.  He wanted to know if I would come to the hospital so that they could do his transfer from hospitalization to the treatment center today.  I could have said no but I did want to see him.  Also bad co-dependent self kicked in and I wanted to make sure he got where he was supposed to go.

So I get to the hospital.  I hadn't seen him since Monday or talked to him since Tuesday morning when he called to tell me he was at the hospital.  He gives me the info on where to meet him to pick him up.  I didn't realize he was on an actual lock down psychiactric unit.  A little scary.  Never been on a locked unit before.  Good thing it was only 5 minutes.  Made me nervous just standing there by the door.  But he looked better than on Monday.  Not good but better.  He had color for a change but was still very sad looking. 

It hurts the most seeing him cry.  Of which he did again when I showed up.  He said they were just going through the info for housing when he gets out.  REALITY BIT.  A little bit of a wake up call knowing that when he does finish treatment he won't be going to the same house as the girls and I.  It's hard realizing that the DREAMS you had have been either put on hold or ripped out of your grasp.  Even harder watching someone you still love realize that is just what happened.  So of course I faced a bit of my own REALITY.  My husband isn't as strong as I thought he was.  But with help and the grace of God he may one day be stronger.  Hope is an eternal thing that until all light is out even a flicker still remains.

So then on the way to the treatment center he tells me he was under the watch of 2 of the hospital guards.  And that after 90 minutes he managed to escape the hospital.  He made it back to the hotel before they found him.  Was only gone 10 minutes but they found him.  Brought him back in handcuffs and cuffed him to the bed.  My mind is screaming....OH MY GOD are you an IDIOT?  It was the first I'd heard of what actually transpired when he went in.  REALITY sucks.  I had this whole DREAM version that he just went in told them he needed help and stayed.  Guess he had to fight it to the bitter end.

But he's checked in at the treatment center.  They have him back on his medications he needs and some added ones for the depression and to help him relax and sleep for now.  He's in for a 20 day program (Mon - Fri) with weekends off from the program but he'll stay at the hospital.  He was crying again when I left him there.  Not waterworks crying but just the "tears in his eyes REALITY just slapped me in the face again" crying.  I had to get out of there.  I needed air, a cigarette and some quiet time to just feel sad for myself, the girls and for him. 

Damn acohol can be such a vicous mistress.  Stealing DREAMS and distorting REALITY until even an ordinary day is hard.  And the unordinary ones like today even harder.