Well my journey actually began 2 weeks ago.  My life was thrown into a tailspin.  Courtesy of complacency on my part and alcohol on my husbands part. 

B has drank for as long as I've known him and that is a good 15 years.  He has had a cyclical pattern where he's more of a social drinker with an alcoholics behaviors followed by periods of heavy drinking.  Over the past 4 years the length of those phases has reversed and the periods of heavy drinking have begun to far outweigh the social. 

Well as life does sometimes it went from bad to worse as I sat and watched it.  Clinging desperately to the hope that once again we'll manage to swing back to the good side.  The only difference this time is the swing wasn't happening and I had two small children to think of.  The biggest eye opener is when my 5 year old told me about a month ago that she knows that she's supposed to leave daddy alone when he's in "that mood". 

So now here I am.  Financially strapped, emotionally drained, and at times physically ill.  We've been tossed out of our apartment due to B not maintaining a job to help pay rent.  The girls and I have moved in with my parents.  We've adjusted so far but we have a long road to go.  The best part is that I'm sleeping better.  Which means the emotionally drained and physically ill aspects have lessoned.  I'll worry about the finacial aspect one bill at a time.

B today has been admitted to the hospital for severe clinical depression and alcohol dependency treatment.  Which I'm glad he is for the sake of the girls.  They deserve to have a father.  And one that is stable, dependable, and able to not only love them but also himself.

So this is the beginning of my journey.  Where I go and the outcome I have no clue.  But with the help of my higher power whom I've recently rediscovered I'll make it.  Whether I'm alone with the girls, with B and the girls, or with someone entirely new, I'm open to what will be.  I no longer am fighting to hang on to an ideal I had no control over to begin with. 

So join me in my ups and downs as I discover who I am, where I want to go, and where I should be.