Well Friday night I called and talked to B.  He actually took my call.  Tells me he really was eating Thursday night.  Well that's fine and good but I think 1 minute outta your meal time isn't going to kill you or make you starve.

 

So I told him of my decision.  I'm pulling back.  No more contact with him or the employees there.  And I didn't.  I was really good the rest of the night.  Went to my meeting and was able to share what was happening without crying.  Yea me.  Then I found out a good example of what it is exactly that has me so frustrated.  One of the other ladies there asked me if I was going to the Sat night meeting at the treatment center.  Meeting?  There's a meeting I can attend? 

 

See that's it.  Why do I have to find out this information from outside sources.  An open meeting that all patients, spouses, former patients and their spouses can attend surely isn't part of the confidentiality issue.  I look at it this way...if B had cancer I'd surely be kept informed if he was receiveing chemo treatment.  He has a disease.  Telling me he's having group and individual therapy sessions and that he's seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist isn't overstepping the confidentiality issue.  I don't care to know what they talk about.  I've lived most of it with him.  And that which I haven't if B doesn't want to share that's fine.  It's his past not mine.  Just like there are things I haven't shared with him.

 

So Saturday was good.  Until about 8:30.  Then I started getting the itch.  So I got online.  Kept myself sidetracked.  Made it through.  The girls and I spent the day pampering and bonding.  R was feeling a little put out.  And some of it was coming from me "yelling" at her.  She said she gets "yelled" at for not cleaning her room and was having a freak issue that friends were over messing up her clean room.  She was better after I promised to help her clean later and that she could just play and have fun now.

 

Sunday was busy.  We had a birthday party to go to.  And I had to go help a family friend load some software on her computer.  But the surprising part.  B called while we were in Sunday school.  Wanted us to come in and visit.  Called him back after church.  Had a nice visit.  Finally got some of my basic questions answered.  He talked to the gilrs.  They want to go visit.  So we ended up changing plans a bit.  Squeezed visiting daddy in inbetween the party and the computer fixing.

 

I'm glad I did.  The girls enjoyed it.  I just sat there and let him visit with them.  And he started talking more about what's been happening.  I guess the pulling back worked better.  We both have a lot of work to do. 

 

Me?  I'm going to start doing my own inventory.  Find out what makes me tick.  Why I put up with some of the things I do.  I'm going to sit down in a quiet room each night this week with a subject and just listen to what God is telling me about those things.  Hopefully I'll be able to find out just what my strengths and weaknesses are.  Who I am. Who God wants me to be.

 

Time for my hard work to begin.  Just who is Dawn and what does she really want out of life.

>>>>I'm going to sit down in a quiet room each night this week with a subject and just listen to what God is telling me about those things. Hopefully I'll be able to find out just what my strengths and weaknesses are. Who I am. Who God wants me to be.



Time for my hard work to begin. Just who is Dawn and what does she really want out of life.<<<<<

Aw hun, I'm so proud of you. I'm praying for you too.