Ok, as promised yesterday I'll explain my weekend.  And what exactly set me off on a tirade Sunday afternoon that I very firmly spoke my mind to not one but two nurses, an addicition counselor and a social worker.

 

Saturday was to be a good a day.  I was going to make cookies and sticky buns with the girls.  We were going to sleep in.  It was supposed to be a relaxing day.  Notice the "supposed to be" in that statement.  

 

The girls were up at 6:30, their usual time.  So we watched cartoons and had breakfast.  I played on the computer for a bit while the girls played in their room.  About 8:30 I started cleaning the kitchen so that we could bake.  Shortly after 9 B calls from the treatment center.  He wants me to bring in the cell phone but once again on his terms, drop it at the front desk as they are going to be having a busy and very intense day today.  

 

Well I had made a decision the night before that he really didn't need the cell phone and the attitude and refusal to allow me to visit him again set me off.  The phones were never busy when I called up there.  Also the phone is on my plan I pay for it.  So when I say I'm not bringing him the phone he has a fit and says "It's my phone!"  I say nah uh.  It's mine.  It's on my plan.  Him - Well it's a free phone.  Me nah uh I pay $10 plus tax extra for that phone. Him - fine cancel it then.  Me - Can't have a 2 year plan.  Him - fine what do you want the $10 for it.  Me - yea for a start.

 

How about a visit?  How about communication?  How about having the family intervention meeting?  Him - So now it's just the meeting you want?  Fine. You got it.  Now can I have the phone.  Nah uh.  It's about so much more than that now. 

 

And the all time statement that torked me on Saturday?  B - "Well I'm the one in here with the problem."

 

Back the boat up buddy.  It's a family problem.  It affects all of us.

 

So the remainder of Sat. morning had me tearing the dining room apart and clean it from corner to corner.  I was in the process of return to normal mode when my parents returned.  At that point the youngest started crying.  Fever.  Ugh.  So some motrin and a short nap later she's still crying.  Fever still up.  Off we go to the walk-in.  Ugh another freaking ear infection.  4th one in 3 months. 

 

Then Sat. afternoon was spent watching a friends boys.  The same ones that we went to the hockey tournament with.  Well remember how I dreaded the weekend at the hotel cause of how they can be?  I got it all Sat afternoon.  By the time she got back at 6 I was ready to hog tie the 3 oldest and hand my youngest off to the nearest stranger that had a comfy lap and a sympathetic pair of arms.

 

Fell in bed exhausted from the emotionally draining day.

 

Sunday dawns bright and sunny and snowy.  YUCK!  So church was good.  Decided that since we worked like whirlwinds on Sat. Mom and I were going to play and relax.  Well B calls.  Wants to talk to the girls.  Fine I'll bring them in at 6:30 when visiting hours start.  Him - No we have a meeting tonight.  You can't come up and visit. 

 

WHOA Nellie my stack blew.    I told him that I wasn't buying that anymore.  And he's like I can't help it they have a meeting scheduled.  So I'm going Why the HELL would they have visiting hours if you are always in a meeting or required to take one test or another.  Well that's how it is he says.  So I say nah uh, Let me talk to someone in charge.  So he hangs up on me.  Was it accidental?  Not sure.  So I call him back and again ask to talk to someone in charge. 

 

So he gets the nurse.  And I ask her the same thing.  She says she has to check.  Fine check I'll hang on.  So the conversation continues and my dander gets up more and more and I very clearly stated that I'm tired of being jerked around.  Go through my same speil about not having been told about any of the goings on up there, rules, regulations, haven't met with anyone yet.  PERK she grabs onto that one.  "You mean you haven't had your family intervention meeting yet?" No I haven't....blah blah blah.   (same old story)  "So you haven't even met individually with a counselor?"  NO!!!!

 

Ok well let me go talk to B and see if I can figure this out.  And I tell her well if it's just me he's having an issue with that's fine.  I'll bring the girls up and he can visit with them in one room and I'll stay the hell away from him.  Not even open my lips.  

 

Well 20 minutes later she calls back.  exact convo follows....

 

"We feel that the tension is just to intense between you two right now and that a visit wouldn't be a good idea." 

 

"You mean B is getting his way AGAIN.  What the hell use is it having visiting hours."

 

"No.  Just that the emotions are too high.  B wouldn't be open to having a good visit.  He wouldn't be able to process anything."

 

Me thinking ... what the hell do you have to process from a 5 and 2 year old.  Other than deciphering the child language not a hell of a lot.  They talk about school, barbies, coloring, Elmo.  Elmo is safe.

 

"So B is getting his way once again."

 

CLICK.  BZZZZZZZZZZ.....

 

The witch hung up.  TORKED CITY. 

 

20 minutes later I'm so spitting mad I'm literally shaking.  I pick up the phone once again and call the nurses station.  Get a different nurse.  Go through the whole speil again.  Even mention the fact of the suggestion about having the girls and him in a seperate room.  "I didn't know about that." she says.  So I go through everything again.  She says there is nothing she can do.  I ask if there is a counselor I can talk to.  Well not available but we can reach one.  Fine do that and have them call me.

 

No phone call.

 

So I decide overnight that I've gotten B's  message loud and clear.  And decided to send one back.  I called up to his addiction counselor and left a message on his phone.  "I WILL expect a phone call today.  I WILL be bringing in paperwork for you to hand into your hands personally.  I'M DONE being jerked around by B, and by everyone in the facility.  If I don't hear from you and I don't get to hand you this paperwork I will be filing Legal Separation and looking into legal avenues I need to to revoke B's usage of my insurance."

 

Then I started writing the letter.  9:05 he calls.  9:25 I'm done with my tirade.  He's got the team meeting to go to.  Will share the information with the other team members.  A social worker will call me back after the team meeting.

 

So I continue to write my letter.  11:20 social worker calls.  She just got done meeting with B and he said that I could call you.  WTF?  "He signed a full disclosure when he checked in.  I shouldn't be having to jump through these hoops."  "Well he can revoke that at anytime."

 

Obviously he has.  But it looks as though he's willing to do the family meeting now.  Hmm do you think?  So I go through my same speil AGAIN!!!!    No one has gone over the program, how the facility works, his treatment, his diagnosis, rules, regulations.  Does anyone ever really answer my questions?  Hell NO!  Am I frustrated? YES!!!!  Is B calling the shots?  I think so.

 

Well 35 minutes later of taking my frustrations out on her.  I've got a family meeting time set.  And a time of 12:30 to see his addiction counselor and drop of the information I felt they should have had on day 2 of his treatment. 

 

My 12:30 meeting?  Well I got some answers.  Yes visiting hours are visiting hours.  Except Thurs. which is family meeting night.  The patient however can refuse visitors.  Well dammit.  If he doesn't want to see us tell us.  Don't make up f***ing lies that are going to get you caught and me even more pissed.  I'm done with the lies.  I won't accept them and I'll slap them back in your face.  There will be a family meeting on Thurs morning.  His addiction counselor wants him to go at his own pace so that he doesn't slip after he leaves. Well that's all fine and good.  I asked to talk to someone.  Even alone.  But I find out B has to ok it.  GRRRRRR.  Just who is running the program there?

 

So my parting statement to the counselor.  I told him he could let B read the letter before I get there on Thurs.  But I also told him to tell B that a very clear message was sent by him.  And I'm sending one right back.  The Thurs meeting better happen.  If it doesn't it better because there is a death.  His, the counselors, mine, it didn't matter but someone had better be in a funeral home for it not to happen.  And if it didn't happen on Thurs he would be talking to my divorce lawyer.!!!!!

 

Well B somehow has gotten the information that I've already filed for divorce.  Now see...prime example of why playing the childs game of telephone doesn't work.  I'm through playing games.  I think he can suck it up and face me so we can move past this "HIGH LEVEL OF TENSION".   Sheesh.

Dawn dear, why you haven't gone postal on all of them, I'll never know, 'cause I'd have beeoch slapped some ppl by now if it were me.

This is where the whole confidentiality law has really screwed the American family. It is your right to know what's going on in his treatment, especially if it's your insurance that's paying for it.

BIG HUGE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!
April

Hiya April,

Thanks for stopping by and posting. You know I'm surprised at my constraint myself. Plus having prior knowledge of a treatment program (we went through one 28 years ago for my dad and 3 times so far for one of my uncles) and my mom being a retired addiction counselor with a Masters in Social Work and several friends in the field I know I'm being jerked around. They are lucky all I've done so far is use a few choice swear words and finally sent a very clear message back at them. Quit messing with me or there won't be any messing or cooperation in the future. As the addiction counselor stated yest. when he first saw me... So it's true dynamite comes in small packages. Yep and someone just lit my fuse.

LOL re: the dynamite comment! Ppl have said that about me, too. Why is it, when ppl treat you like garbage, that they're surprised when you react? Just treat me like you want to be treated and you won't ever see my temper. How bloody simple is that? *gggg*

Just know I'm out here rooting for you!

Hugs,
A~