So today I'm having a discussion with myself on this.  I've been analyzing more lately.  And with issues coming up I've been having to face this question.  Just when does interest change from communication, to concern and then control? 

This may seem like a strange question by itself but when given the scenario that led there it makes sense.  So to start at the beginning....

With B being in treatment I have been asking alot of questions.  Of him, of myself, to him, his social worker, God. 

When he transfered to the treatment center from the hospital he had asked me to give him a ride there so he wouldn't have to pay a transportation fee.  Hmm ok, he calls at 11 and wants to do this on my lunch hour.  OK.  No problem.  But when we get to the treatment center they want me to wait until the intake personnel are ready for him.   Hmm ok getting to be a bit of a problem.  I've already used a lot of time away from the office for the move and illness.  Not sure its such a great idea but ok I'll wait.  It was only 5-10 minutes and I was only 20 minutes late back from lunch.

Well that was a week ago.  I still haven't had a meeting with anyone at the treatment facitlity.  Visited with B only once.  And have had phone contact with the social worker all of 4 times and B 4 times.  One was to apologize for his behavior on the phone yesterday.  So today he calls at lunch and asks if I was going to be dropping off the items he requested.  Yes I was on my way.  One pen, one pack of cig's (not the 4 he wanted) and no cell phone.  Well when he called to apologize yesterday he said I can come visit him when I want but if I'm bringing the girls to call first so he's prepared.  OK not a big deal.

So in todays convo he tells me that the family night thing they just sat around and talked.  That it wasn't a confrontation thing like I said.  HELLLO I didn't say it was a confrontation, I said it was education.  And he got snotty with me.  Then he said that I should call first before coming up for visiting hours because he might not be available.  WTF?  What are visiting hours for?  And I asked him that.  He said if I didn't believe him I could call someone there and ask.  He also said that we would need family counseling.  Obviously!   And that he can't help it if he has to see all these people at their convenience and if it was during visiting hours there was nothing he could do about it.  So I said at least your seeing someone.  I haven't seen anyone there yet and just have my meetings.  So he said if I don't trust him or believe him maybe I should ask at the meeting for some names of counselors.

Well see here's the deal.  I plan on calling the treatment center.  I don't know how the place works.  How the program works?  How involved is the family?  When are visiting hours?  When I can call?  I only have his say on it.  Do I believe him?  HMMMMM.  One more thing to ponder. 

So when I dropped off his items I asked the gal at the reception desk if they had a pamphlet on how the program works and such.  She looked at me like...Lady your husbands a patient and you don't know?  So she said to call and ask to to see his social worker.  I told her I already did.  Just waiting for a call back. 

Now here's where the questioning comes in.  Am I trying to Communicate and show my concern?  Or am I trying to Control the situation and outcome?  Do I want progress faster?  Is my concern for B and whether he's working the program or hiding really concern or is it a deeper need to Control?   Am I communicating so that things can get better?  Or am I communicating to control the situation? 

Visiting with a friend of mine about the incident today she feels that I'm getting worked up about the whole thing.  Yes I should know how the program works, visiting hours, and such.  She says to get the answers I need.  But she also sees me getting upset about B and the fact that the questions started with him.  And that I'm fighting not being in Control of the situation.  Hmm she may have a point.  Off to analyze myself some more.