Ok what the hell is it with relationships.  I think a users manual would be nice.  All of the changes lately have made me really look at relationships.  Not just my marriage but others I have also.  Here's just a couple examples....

Two days ago when we (my mom, the girls and I) got home from town, mom got a phone call.  She's busy talking to the gal who called when I hear her telling them about the girls and I moving home and what is up with B.  I'm fine with that.  Nothing to hide there.  But when she gets done I ask who was that.  Turns out it was one of her sisters.  She called to let her know that the cancer surgery for the other Aunt went fine.  HELLO. Cancer surgery?  WTF?  So I started thinking about the relationships with mom's side of the family. 

Well - the aunt with the cancer is the same one that 4 years ago when my oldest niece graduated from highschool threw out the invitation because she didn't know anyone with that first or last name.  Umm - your sister has been married to the same man for 40 years (35 at the time) and the last name wasn't familar.  Talk about screwed up.  But yet the same sister can send an email asking for prayers for her health issues and surgery she's facing.  Not a phone call - an email.  Sheesh. 

Well mom did say a prayer only because she's a christian at heart and wouldn't wish cancer on her worst enemy.  And she didn't tell me about it because I had enough of my own problems.  And me...Yea I'll say a prayer for her too.  One that she gets a grasp on the fact that relationships are a two way street.  You want interest and support you have to give interest and support.

Another example.  B's family.  Oh my word.  His whole family is very low on the relationship qualifying scale.  We've been married for 12 years this year if we make it to Sept.  I've met his two sisters.  He has 5 brothers.  One of which I have a vague idea on which State he lives in.  The rest...shrug.  His mom is really sweet.  But we haven't heard from her since right before Christmas.  We are assuming she's visiting one of the said siblings.  Who knows. 

We received one wedding present.  No other cards or calls.  And nothing since.  Not even on the birth of our daughters.  I gave up sending out Christmas cards.  Why send one out when you don't get one back?

Also he had one brother who didn't contact anyone for years.  Yes that is years.. I think it was 3 or 4.  How wierd is that?  And he thinks my family is screwy.  His whole families army mentality of the need to know basis and you don't need to know drives me crazy. 

Also - I just got a call today from B.  It seems he's out of cigarettes.  I'd called him last night to visit and to let him know that there is hope for us to have a relationship.  He was out on smoke break at the time so I left a message for him to call me back on my cell phone if he wanted.  Well, obviously he didn't want cause he never did.  But he did today.  And it was because he wanted cigarettes and a pen that worked.  But here's the clincher... I'm just supposed to drop them off at the desk because HE'S still having a hard time.  And it's family night at the treatment center.  Family comes in and they have classes and sessions.  And he mentions that tonight is going to be hard for him too.

So I go "Oh.  So you don't want me there either."  "No.  It's going to be too hard.  Maybe next week."  Oh my.  My stack blew.  Maybe.  MAYBE?!!!  Way to work on that relationship buddy.  You need me to bring you things but don't come see me cause it's too hard.  So I was a tad, ok a lot, snotty to him and told him to go think about and talk about that in one of his sessions and with his counselor. 

Then I called the family advocate and told them.  She said very disrespectful on his part.  Well duh.  That's the history with him.  Only want the relationship on my terms and when it's easy. 

I don't know if he's aware of it but he's sending me a very clear message and I'm about to take.  Screw working on the relationship it's too hard.  BOOO HOOOO.

Yep a users manual would be nice.  Or just a big ole neon light... Relationships are hard.  You only get out of them what you put into them.  Some people just don't get it.  SHEESH